Letter To The Editor

Weekend Winners will be back with a vengeance and tied in with Mid-week Munters tomorrow! This is a letter that I would love to write to an editor somewhere hahha. But actually, it's futile so there's no point! So I hope you don't mind reading a more serious post on The Way It Is.

Taipei Gay Pride Parade is coming up this weekend and I wasn't shocked to hear that a number of Christian denominations had banded together on Sunday to protest against gays. What exactly does it mean to protest against gays? This is how it was phrased in the local press and I am so curious to know how to protest against a group of people. I suppose it means that they were protesting the mere existence of gays. 

I still fail to understand how in a world like ours, where horrific crimes are committed on a daily basis, (people are murdered, people go missing, children are abused and abandoned, countries are bombed by other countries...the list goes on) we can still have groups banding together to complain about gays. 

OK, sequins were so 1985, those of us with lithpth wish we didn't have them while others are putting them on, and sometimes we're all up half the night trying to work out the gender of the person who pumped our petrol in the morning BUT WHO CARES? Seriously, how does it affect anyone else who one chooses to love? 

On the weekend I was talking to my girlfriend about how sometimes I purposely avoid the subject with people to spare the awkwardness and to avoid making them feel uncomfortable, but the thing is that it's my life and they don't reserve the right to feel uncomfortable about what I do in my free time or who I choose to be with. 

If a person can be wholly defined by their sexuality then they don't have much substance to them. If sexuality was all there was to a person maybe it would make more sense marginalising people. But all my straight friends, my gay friends, and my bisexual friends, are more to me than walking representations of sexuality. In fact, their sexualities really have no bearing on our relationships at all. And why should they? 

The thing I find most ironic about these protests denouncing anyone who isn't a heterosexual is that for some reason, in my experience, I have dealt with huge numbers of homosexual people in community development contexts. I'm sure I'm not alone in making this sweeping generalisation, but the community sector is powered by people of all different sexual orientations (and a large amount of them aren't heterosexual). I've never heard any of my friends refuse to help a drug user in their support center because they're straight, not one of my friends has turned away a teenage runaway because they're straight, none of them have refused a straight person sexual health advice. Simply, because they don't care. Sexuality is such a small piece of the puzzle that makes us human. 

Why can't people learn to put their time and money to better use. Why waste time marching around complaining about gay people when there are more productive things to be done? Protest about the murderer who is being released after 5 years in jail, protest about the corporations releasing pollutants into our waterways and our air, protest about taxes being increased. Whatever, but leave the feather-boa wearing boys and the tuxedo wearing girls out of it. 

After all of these years of hearing people complain about gays I've reached the conclusion that it just comes down to jealousy. No one can throw a party like the gays. 

xx

Weekend Winners

Everyone's a winner in one way or another, but this weekend I got to choose a few Weekend Winners who really stood out from the crowd with their outstanding performances. In the spirit of my love of lists, here goes, and while you're reading it be sure to give each Weekend Winner a small round of applause:

1. The little girl in the park feeding hot dogs to the turtles. A career in animal nutrition is blatantly on the cards. WEEKEND WINNER!
2. The man walking through the park vomiting up his lunch without breaking step. WEEKEND WINNER! (please note that the name of the said park is the Peace Park - who said vomiting can't be peaceful?)
3. The turtles in the park (powered by hot dogs) for breaking through the wooden barrier between them and some succulent water plants, then leap frogging over the top of each other to try to get in to munch on the delights within. WEEKEND WINNERS!
4. My student for standing me up, therefore allowing me to witness the aforementioned festivities in the park. WEEKEND WINNER!
5. The woman in Starbucks for asking me how I'm from Australia, yet not black. WEEKEND WINNER! Maybe this prize should go to the geography and social studies department of her school instead?

Although I'm sure there were many more WEEKEND WINNERS all over the world, these are the ones that caught my eye. Stayed tuned for the weekly list coming at ya each Monday.

Let me know if you caught wind of anyone worthy of a WEEKEND WINNER accolade.

This week is sponsored by the POR FAVOR song by Emily Menuzo and The Chismoso. So to quote the famous band, "No mas trabajando por favor, mas cerveza por favor."

Have a crackin' week.

xxx

Loves of Friday

In my new Loves and Hates of the week to date section I was delighted to note these two points:

The fact that no-one pointed out when I slipped into the third person while mentioning tripping over the manhole cover repeatedly.

AND

The fact no one mentioned that I wrote "talk" to an Indian restaurant! I'm going to have a crack at it over the weekend but I suspect it would be more productive to WALK to an Indian restaurant.

AND I know for a fact that some of you read the blog! So I'm thanking you for being forgiving and generous in not pointing out my shortcomings. Which leads me to my next point:

I decided this week to make amends with a couple of friends that I had misunderstandings with. Eekk. I'd love to say it went well, but now I realise why other people never bother trying to bury the hatchet and get on with things! Forgiveness is a dish best served... not at all apparently.

Still, I haven't lost faith in the process! One of these days we'll all get better at it! I check out the news everyday and think it's so funny what we all bang on about all day. Maybe someone should start Perspective Camps in the Middle East or something?! Similar to those Boot Camps they send naughty kids to in the U.S. Hey maybe I just came up with a business plan right there!

Maybe the problem is that our structures are sounder these days, so the bases of bridges are far stronger meaning that water can't really pass under the bridge as much anymore? Who's to say in this crazy mixed up world!

Anyway, life's too short eh?! Too short to hold grudges, and too short to keep trying when you're the only one trying. Gotta use some of that time to put your love into something more receptive! Like changing the world!

Keep giggling.

Two of my favorite quotes:

"Life's too important to take seriously." Oscar Wilde
And something about remembering to be kind to everyone because everyone is facing their own private struggle. HAHHAHAHAHAHHA clearly one of my favorites since I don't know how it goes and I also don't know who said it.

Word!

Have a crackin' weekend my friends. Be kind to each other! Be forgiving! And make someone laugh so hard that tears run down their cheeks this weekend.

Lipsty

xxxx

Wednesday. Bloody. Wednesday.

I have been busy today. I have been proofreading test papers for English proficiency. "I want your life, I want your life," I can hear the cries coming from the back row. I would like to adopt the format of the tests I have been proofreading all day to ask a pointless question.

1. What did Lipsty do today?

a. Proofread loads of English proficiency tests.
b. Laugh so hard at her own joke that she cried (while crickets chirped in the background).
c. Pretended to hit the 'delete' key every time she walked past the graphic designer's desk.
d. Opened the toilet door on someone's face.
e. All of the above.

If you answered 'all of the above,' you win nothing aside from the knowledge that you got the answer right. But congratulations nonetheless.

So I'm keeping it short n' sweet as I got places to be, people to talk English at. So here goes: Loves and Hates of the Week to Date. My new favorite section of 'The Way It Is'.

Loves

- Red bean soup
- Tomato soup
- The revival of the 'Employee of the Month' badge that I made myself and give to myself in a ceremony at work at the end of each month.
- My private students repeatedly changing our class times.
- My dentist for swiftly and painlessly removing the largest wisdom tooth in the world. (It looked like one of the sides of Stonehenge).
- Bombarding my Facebook wall with silly news items.
- Governing forces bombing celestial bodies and all of the people that say, "It's cool, they've done it loads of times in the past they just never mentioned it before".
- The podcast I downloaded to my ipod about Green Living. Particularly the woman who is a "leader in U.S. green living programs "who referred to herself as a vegetarian and then littered her interview with references to the exceptional occasions in which she enjoys a bit of fish or chicken. I'm a vegetarian but...I'm also a tool?! Despite not being a preaching style vegetarian I do think it's best to steer clear of the label if you enjoy munching on any kind of food that used to have a soul.
- My black toenail.
- My red t-shirt which picks and chooses when to release its dye onto my unsuspecting whites.
- My inability to separate said red t-shirt from my unsuspecting whites.
- The fact she tripped over the exact same manhole cover three times this week.
- The snooze button.
- Y-front undies. Not on me, but they never fail to give me a chuckle.

Hates

- Governing bodies bombing celestial bodies...see point above and note the sarcasm yet again.
- Her neighbours. They havent' done anything new, it's just an ongoing feeling :)
- The fact she keeps forgetting to get a new tyre put on the scooter.
- Her alarm clock.
- When she forgets to boil and filter water and is really thirsty.
- Being addicted to Bejewelled.
- When I accidentally snort when I'm laughing.
- When I'm too lazy to talk to an Indian restaurant but I really want a curry.

I think that does it for this Wednesday. Stay tuned for the weekly report!!! Feel free to let me know what your loves and hates are for the week to date!

Holler!

xxxxx

For An A$$hole, I'm Really Quite Considerate

I'd like to say I've been giving it some thought, but that would be lying. Actually, while sitting here staring into space, a thought popped into my head. Whenever I've got a complaint, I generally reach for The Way It Is to update the World's Number 1 Sporadic Blog. On closer inspection, I think I have come to the root of this. 

It all began about five years back when I started to get a bit more experimental with my small talk with strangers. It went from a quick "hello" to more of a "hi, how's it going?" kind of affair. From there I got out of control and would sometimes mix things up by responding to "how are you today?" with "I can't complain thanks". I remember clearly when my reality came unstuck, it was probably the third time I'd used my new "I can't complain thanks" line when the lovely gentleman at the service station I frequented said "well if we did complain no one would listen anyway". I thought to myself "shit! Is that really true? No one listens? Well what the hell am I going to do now?" So to cut to the chase, I guess five years down the track, The Way It Is has finally filled that void. 

Now, don't get me wrong, the man's comment didn't stop me from complaining, but I felt a bit guilty if I even had the slightest hint of a feeling that the person was listening. They probably didn't want to be. They probably didn't realise that it was now kosher to ignore complainers. Now you see I can complain at will, and you my dear readers (ahem, reader - you know who you are) can simply click on that little cross and be done away with the rant whenever you want, plus you have the added bonus of not having to here me splutter and lisp it out at you, you can imagine me reading this in whatever pleasant voice you desire. Nothing kinky please. 

Before I bid you adieu for the evening, here's a little gripe of mine - see another complaint - but I actually find this amusing. I find it hilarious when people start their sentences with "I don't know about you..." or "I don't know about in your family..." or "I've never been to Australia so I don't know about there but..." Of course you bloody well don't know! 1) You're not psychic 2) You're not in my family 3) You've already said you've never been to Australia so how the hell would you know what goes on Down There? And trust me, you don't want to know! What I love the most about my rage at this, is that I catch myself saying it ALL the time! Hypocrisy! A gift from Pandora's Box no doubt! 

I don't know about you, but I'm tired. Off for a sleep now. 

I don't have an Oprah quote off the top of my head, but think of something nice yourself and she has probably said it at one point or another. 

Rock Squared! 

xx

Toenail

For those of you (no-one) who have expressed concern about my right big toenail (see A Long Walk to Anchorage post on August 10), it is all black now, and very ugly. Thanks for asking. 

I've Been Abducted...

Haven't really! BUT it was a good lead into my upcoming point about this blog. Should you ever notice that this blog has started to be updated regularly, you can rest assured something bad has happened to me and someone has taken it over. If you ever suspect this has happened, please contact the relevant authorities (vague - I know, because I'm not sure who they are) and get them to start hunting. 

So, news from this side of the planet? Not a lot. My chest infection has everyone crying H1N1 - God bless the media. The good thing about the hysteria that the media has created is that now you can get 10x the amount of sympathy for your pathetic ailments, or double your money back. I like that. Not one person has laughed at me or called me a wimp since I came down with this weak little chest infection. Instead I hear whisperings of, "it could have been swine flu," "she's lucky it wasn't H1N1," "next time she might not be so lucky." All of these murmurs, of course, accompanied with a motherly shake of the head and a Bold and the Beautiful-esque shake of the head while looking in my direction. This cold was worth contracting! 

In other news, is it just me or do other people lose track of their friendship/enemy statuses with people they knew a long time ago but don't anymore? Let me explain this in a clearer way. A few years ago I was visiting home (from Taiwan) when I saw an old friend of mine from college, so I gave him a big wave and a smile, only to have him turn on his heel and walk away. It was at that exact moment that I remembered, we were never friends! Nor were we enemies, but the simple fact was that we just didn't know each other. So, it was likely one of those situations where he turned away thinking I was probably waving to someone behind him.

A more recent example happened just yesterday on Facebook (hot off the press, you heard it here first). I saw an old friend on a mutual friend's wall, so I busted them a message just seeing how things were going. From the curt response I received, the memories all came flooding back that something (which has obviously slipped my memory) happened, and we drifted with the hate obviously not coming from my side (can't imagine what I could have done hehhe). Anyway, my first thought was "what happened to time healing all wounds?" With my second thought being about the nature of my crimes. Anyway, it's funny. We live in some unforgiving times! I mean, that happened about 5 years ago, I was still a kid. I'm sure whatever I did or said wouldn't happen this days (whoops - that's assuming I have grown up, which we all know is not true). Having said that, I hold onto grudges like I hold onto my wallet when I walk through the streets of Rio. (I have only walked through the streets of Rio a couple of times, two years ago - however I'm stoked by the simile). But some people deserve to have grudges held against them. Like when their whole personality is a mistake, rather than the occasionally poorly judged quip being a mistake. 

Whole other ball game. Anyway, I think from now on I'm going to lie in wait for contact from the outside world, rather than forcing myself onto people that managed to evade me for lengthy amounts of time. 

Now, my only reader/fan, who mind you coaxed me into writing this - you know who you are. Says she had saved up her own Oprah quote. So I am going to leave this post quoteless, then I'm going to find out what her quote is and post it very soon at the end of another new message. Don't call the authorities if you see a post in quick succession with this one - that will be me! 

Until next time, stay strong and artificial and if you see someone coughing, be sure to make some loud, rude comments about H1N1 and how they should be at home rather than infecting the masses. 

xx