Maintenance Problems

Holler,

Been a while! I'm not gonna lie about that! So the site has been playing up for a while and I haven't been able to access it to update it. I said I'd turned over a new leaf, and I really had. All gung-ho about updating everyday and then suddenly the site collapsed. Then when it was finally up and running, I forgot my password so I couldn't log in. Once I remembered my password, I raced home to update the blog and just as I sat down to write my latest update, a Russian spy plane crashed through my apartment window and smashed my mac. THANKFULLY no one was hurt. And nothing was damaged in my place except for the computer.

Are you a simple white liar or a dramatic, over-compensating, ridiculous one? I'm the latter unfortunately. The weird thing about my kind is that we know that we should stick to simple stories, but we can't help it. The minute we're faced with the prospect of telling a white lie, we go for it. I can't take the morning off work because I just have a cold. It always turns out a little something like this:

*Sick voice, no sorry, dying voice. Ok more like a whimper with moans intermittently dispersed*

"Hi, it's me. I'm really, really, really, really sorry, I can't come in today. I mean I can barely breathe let alone leave the house. I went to bed early last night. Actually it was more like the afternoon. I went to bed as soon as I got home at 5:30pm. I slept through until 12:20am when I woke up with a fever of 58C. I was so sick I couldn't go to the hospital. My friend rang the hospital and they said I was so hot that I should definitely not go to the hospital because my body heat might burn the place down." *cough, cough, cough to the point of wretching*

"So anyway, I tried to go back to sleep, but I was washed out of the bed with the tide caused by my waves of sweat. I passed out and woke up 3 hours later, covered in blood from where a bobcat broke into my apartment and maimed me while I was in my vulnerable, unconscious state. I crawled around for half an hour looking for my left hand, before I finally ended up passing out on the couch. I woke up this morning and I feel a lot better, but unfortunately I'm too tired to come into work."

"Ok. You rest up and feel better tomorrow. And there are no bobcats in Taipei. So I don't know what it was that attacked you.

"Thanks a lot. I'll look into that. I'll see you tomorrow."

I was too busy to write my blog ;)

Holler.
xx

Happy Monday

Yet another weekend has whirled into oblivion, and another crackin' week full of opportunities to make fun has arisen. HOLLER! 

So I have but a few weekend winners. I was disdainfully surrounded by all sorts of tedious situations over the weekend, all of which gave me some good giggles later. I had obviously been branded with the "please state the obvious at her" stamp yet again, which made for some infuriating situations. Like sands through the hour glass...without further adieu...

*******************WEEKEND WINNERS*****************************

1. The local acquaintance we had lunch with yesterday who ever so kindly translated the English menu for us...into English! We are foreigners...we aren't ILLITERATE!!! Weekend Winner! 

2. The girl who fell asleep across the aisle on the bus. I'm sorry, but you were a Weekend Winner until I had to brush my bum past your face to get to my seat. Weekend Loser.

3. Mother Nature for suddenly cranking the heating down 10 degrees. It's cold!!! Weekend Winner! 

4. The three men in the kitchen in the Indian restaurant yesterday for making the world's most awkward lunch even more awkward by staring through the window at my girlfriend and I for approximately 45 minutes while we ate lunch. You guys didn't even blink. And I'm sure you've seen some Westerners before. Weekend Winners. 

That's about all I got for this week for the Weekend Winners. I guess everyone was on their best behavior all over the island. 

To compensate for my lack of Weekend Winners, I have a couple of excellent quotes (well I think they're excellent anyway, but let's face it, I'm not the best judge). They weren't all said by me, either ;) Also, excuse the sensitive nature of one of the quotes. I think we should all be able to talk about this topic, but if you're not into reading a quote from a (*whispers* gynaecologist) then skip number 2.

1. *Looking at girl walking into doctor's surgery* "Gee, nice skirt. It's so daunting walking into this clinic, isn't it?" (Unfortunately this one was me, and I wasn't trying to be funny, and I did feel everyone staring at me as I walked through the door before I sat down upon the throne of judgement).

2. "This isn't the most pleasant procedure, but there's also worse...like...(mutters under breath)...oh no that probably isn't as bad...but there are worse ones...now let's get on with it" (Hahahhahahahahha what a legend! I love that woman, but I still think we could have gotten to know each other a bit more, first).

3. "It is important to protect people from unjust discrimination but it is ridiculous to claim discrimination every time we show a preference for some people over others." Archbishop George Pell. Wow! I've already massacred the quote all over Facebook, but REALLY what was he thinking?! I'll bet he's a champion of the "I'm not racist but..." school of thought! Out of control! 

4. "Can you please stop talking." My boss and many other people. Usually aimed at me. Harsh but fair. 

Have an awesome week. If you're in Taiwan, try to stick to the sane ex-pats or the others might rub off on ya. If you're in Oz, keep it warm for me - I'll be back soon baby! If you're anywhere else in the world, keep it real! 

Until next time. Adios amigos y amigas! 

xxxxxx