Moby Does It

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm a 34 year old man who grew up on a cattle ranch at the base of the Colorado Rockies. Tired of the year-round -40 degree temperatures I accepted a position as a back up dancer for a Korean pop outift called 392-hello. I ventured out into the Orient to find fame and fortune with nothing but my cowboy boots, a tu-tu and a dried out goat's skull that I found on a neighboring property.

I guess this is why so many weird things happen over the internet. It's so easy to let your imagination do the talking and your fingers do the walking. While I'm disappointed that this was the most imaginative fabricated life story I could invent - it is nonetheless invented now, and waiting to be rectified.

In reality, I'm a middle aged, 26 year old female, trapped in a female's body, teaching English and "studying" Chinese in Taiwan while hastily slapping together an exit strategy (which doesn't discriminate against job offers in circuses or garbage trucks). I was raised in the kind of environment where you never let the truth get in the way of a good story and I intend on applying that motto to this blog. Caution: READ WITH A LARGE BUCKET OF SALT.

You see, in my experience, other party goers don't want to know that you woke your neighbors up by screaming at a spider the size of a five cent piece. They want to hear that it was the size of a dinner plate, it didn't actually bite you but the force of it's weight alone, descending upon your arm snapped your radius and ulna in two. The result: 3 months in a plaster cast and 6 years of physiotherapy - which luckily just ended in time for this party!!!

It is important to do your research when telling stories like this, had I merely said, "arm" instead of, "radius and ulna" it would have sounded less authentic. Using the technical bone terms makes it sound like I really got to know medical terms during my 2 month stint in hospital nursing the arm that the spider fell through.

Anyway, after many years of fighting the battle of the blog, I finally succumbed. Why? Because Moby has one. Not really, but I'm using that as my justification mainly because I am renowned for saying that blogs are for geeks (which isn't that derogatory because I've always had a lot of time for geeks, and I'm a certain breed of geek myself!). But seriously, if Moby has one I don't see why I can't have one!

A lack of avenues (here in Taiwan) for publishing the tons and tons of rubbish that oozes out of my brain everyday led me to believe that a blog is the only way forward. It's time to get the monkey off my back and put it online (I've never used "monkey on my back" in a sentence so forgive me if it's out of context). Speaking of context, I won't be held accountable for any grammatical, spelling or vocabulary mistakes found in my blog posts. My full time job is to worry about that stuff. If any of my messages are impossible to decipher, please remember the problem lies within yourself, not me.

So here we go! Thanks for sharing the adventure with me. I trust that you will never mention the fact I have a blog in public (despite the fact they're cool because Moby has one).

Until next time, please remember these two things: whenever you find yourself in a difficult situation, just think "what would Oprah do right now?" and also, a blog in the hand is worth two in the bush...or whatever.