Short Term Memory Loss and The Obvious, Stated Clearly and Served for Tea

Maybe I'm giving too much away here, but has anyone ever noticed that policemen always speak in the past tense? 

Policeman: Miss, did you realise you were driving through a red light then? 

Policeman: Did you realise you were doing 60km/h in a 40km/h zone? 

Me: Yes sir, I did. AND I STILL DO! YOU'RE GIVING ME A SPEEDING TICKET NOT AMNESIA YOU BLOODY IDIOT! 

And my favourite: 

Policeman: Did you realise you just drove through a stop sign? 

There are two things wrong with this statement:

1) Whose car or motorcycle can jump high enough to go through a stop sign in the first place?

2) It's physically impossible for the particles of the stop sign to disperse to allow your car to go through it anyway. 

Infuriating. Can anyone spell customer service training? Or whatever. 

In other news, I've realised that I'm one of the Heroes. You know, like off the TV show. I understand that it's a strong assertion to make and that some people with think it's rather conceited, but I'm not messing around here. Over the past two weeks, I've felt different. Like a change has swept over me, like I'm unique. 

You see it all started when I tripped over the sliding door threshold at school the other day and one of my students said, "Teacher, you fell down." I was a bit shaken by the ridiculously obvious statement but I decided to brush it off as a one-off incident. 

But then the very next day something else happened. I went down to the local market to buy some lunch and I asked the vendor what she sold in her pots. She opened up a very large pot of noodles, watched me look at them for a couple of seconds and then said, "they're noodles."

My initial reaction was shock, particularly when I allowed my mind to flit back to the previous day's incident, then I felt sick and just jumped on my scooter and got the hell out of there as fast as I could. Later I just felt plain, old-fashioned anger! 

The final example that I'll burden you with (there are hundreds) happened at school, again. I asked my colleague to have a look at the school's schedule for the year and he passed it over to me. After watching me scanning it for a few seconds, he leaned over and said, "it's in Chinese." Do you see? I have the power! I am the final Chosen One. I have the uncanny ability to make everyone around me assume I'm simple and therefore point out the obvious to me. If you're not convinced, don't worry! I'm intending on publishing a 2,000 page novel full of other examples!

Above all, don't worry. I haven't let these powers go to my head. If you see me around, come up and say "hi". I'm still the same old Lipsty. 

Please remember: Peter, Paul and Marys in glasshouses shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth or kill a mockingbird...or whatever. Also, no matter what life throws at you, copy Oprah.