Stockholm Syndrome

I've been kidnapped by reality and now that it's starting to turn out for the best I'm falling for it. 

'The Way It Is' has endured an untimely hiatus due to my impulsive urge to move back to the big smoke that is Taipei. After acquiring a writing job in a publishing company I decided to leave the mountaintop mansion to go live in a cockroach infested matchbox in Taipei. However, the question was, 'which cockroach infested matchbox?'

After six weeks of house hunting I FINALLY found literally the exact house I was looking for (or hoping would be vacated). Good things come to those who wait ~ or threaten to kill their real estate agents. To be fair, in the end I did find a lovely real estate agent however I did encounter some little gems along the way. Here is a brief list of some of the wonderful characters I met along the way. 

Mrs 'It's already quite dirty so you don't have to worry about cleaning too much' Chen 

Mr 'I know it's not what you're looking for but you can see my office from this window' Wang

Mrs 'I know it said on the ad it's close to the MRT but it's not actually that close' Lai (pronounced Lie ;) 

Mr 'We're a bit dubious about two girls living together' Lin (pronounced homophobe)

Mr 'Insert 10 minutes of nervous giggling here' Wu (at least he knew his house was hideous)

Mr 'You need to come up to Taipei tomorrow to look at this gem' Wang

Mr 'Sorry I said it was a gem and made you come all the way up here from a city two hours down south when it's actually a hell hole' Wang 

Mrs 'Don't mind all the dead cockroach bodies' Wen 

Many giggles were had along the way, however by the time I'd found my place the giggle pond was definitely starting to dry up. I did learn a lot about myself during the past six weeks, here are some of the best ones. 

1. Even when I feel like I'm about to explode in a fit of rage I can smile politely and say, 'thank you for your time'.

2. Whenever I want to say, 'this place is a pile of $%#^ $@$@!$' my brain is automatically programmed to transmit, 'wow what an interesting space' to my mouth. 

3. I can politely tell people never to call me again without sounding rude. 

4. My penchant for tripping up stairs is something I will never grow out of. 

5. When I speak Chinese often elderly people mistake it for English.

6. The prospect of having a free bucket thrown in to collect the water from the leaking roof is not quite enough to sell me on an apartment. 

7. I can find any excuse to drink a beer, and house hunting related fatigue is now a favourite. 

8. If I wear wet shoes and socks all day, my feet will turn white and shrivel up into prune-like ghost-feet which are a third of their original size. 

9. I hate people who have numerous aliases and pop up everywhere to meet me to look at different properties. 

10. My favourite memory of house hunting was when Anna (my partner in crime) introduced me to a landlady as Ragina (as in rhyming with vagina) rather than Regina (rhyming with spleena) HAHAHAHHAH what's a spleena? Anyway, the woman's embarrassed giggle spoke a million words. 

I'm not homeless anymore! 'The Way It Is' is officially back in action. Let me know if you're reading it, let me know if you're not! Remember: no blog support = no Christmas card. 

I'd like to thank Oprah for getting me through the house hunt. 

Love!