Example A: Recently, I have realised that my fear of cockroaches has spiralled out of control. This dawned on me numerous times, but especially when my hair fell on my face and I thought it was a cockroach so smashed myself in the side of the face with my mobile phone, leaving a bruise on my cheekbone. I thought, something has got to give. So I tricked myself (a little more so than I care to admit). I decided to try to think of cockroaches around my garden as pets, and to let them be and try to adjust my feelings toward them rather than adjusting their life spans.
Result: I realised I'm a pet killer. Despite their new status as 'pet,' I was still mauling them with gallons of cockroach spray.
Side effect of the result: Feelings of sadness knowing I'm a pet killer. Who knows when I'll stop? I'm scared to walk past the park in case I suddenly decide to kill the neighbours golden retriever.
Lesson for the general public: Don't ask me to pet sit when you go on holidays unless you want to come back to find Fluffy and Wiggles lifeless and stuck to the ground covered in white spray.
I'm really not very good at this stuff at all. It can go either way, I feel ridiculous because I know I'm tricking myself, or I trick myself really well, forget I'm tricking myself, let myself down and then feel like a failure...then ages down the track I remember I was tricking myself and have to deal with the effects of mixed feelings - pride that I tricked myself so well, and fright that even I can trick myself so well.
When will it end? Hasta la vista cockroaches, thanks for making me realise I'm a sigh-ko!
I wonder if Oprah kills cockroaches? I wonder MORE why there are so bloody many cockroaches in Taiwan. I wonder EVEN MORE why the hell I'm still here with all the little stinkers!
Who's to say in this crazy, mixed up world.
Love to you and your pets!
xxxx
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